by Why People Who Say “I Don’t Dream” Treat Sleep Like a Board Meeting
People Who Say “I Don’t Dream” announce it like a badge of honor, as if REM cycles are for amateurs and unicorns. “I sleep for utility, not whimsy,” says a man who owns a standing desk and fears melatonin. He wakes up at 4:45 AM to hydrate and judge the moon. Emotionally. Quietly.
These subconscious skeptics treat dreams like pop culture fads they’re too cool to believe in. One woman said, “I used to dream, but then I got into crypto.” Another claims her last dream was in 2009 and it involved spreadsheets. She called it a “REM audit.” Her therapist calls it deflection. Her sleep tracker calls it suspicious.
In a fictional nocturnal introspection study by the Institute of Dreamless Pragmatism, 82% of non-dreamers admitted they say it mostly for the vibe. The rest said their minds “run like minimalist software.” One guy brags about sleeping with his eyes open. He also says feelings are inefficient. His blanket filed for separation.
Sleep is sacred. And dreams are weird, yes. But if you’ve turned your subconscious into a dead zone of productivity, maybe let go. Dreams don’t make you soft. They make you interesting. Even if they’re just about frogs doing taxes. Especially then.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
